Bureaucrash Deploys Operation: Enjoy Capitalism

By Kevin Rollins

The target was an anti-WTO/IMF protest in Washington D.C. The mission was simple, "To help anti-capitalists know that their lives are improved by capitalism."

The team assembled at Starbucks near the McPherson Square protest site. 15 crashers showed up, decked out in "Enjoy Capitalism" t-shirts. The shirts were red with white lettering resembling the Coca Cola logo.

Inside Starbucks, several anti-globalists were seen enjoying the multi-national/corporate/capitalist specialty coffee. This seemed to underscore the point that the crasher's were making that the protesters were enjoying the benefits of global capitalism, even while decrying its existence.

The Crashers then moved over to McPherson Square where about 1000 anti-globalists were rallying.

They passed out literature thanked the protesters for "supporting global capitalism." It informed that, "Your simple act of exchange, now and every day, ripples throughout the world, feeding the mouths of hungry children and lifting the downtrodden. You speak out against trade, but your actions speak louder. Though you oppose capitalism, the world's poor are happy that you need it as much as they do."

The crashers met a mix of interest, confusion, anger, and disbelief. One anti-capitalist exclaimed, "You're talking about capitalism and individual choice as if there's any connection between the two!" while another asserted, "You want laissez faire, that'll never happen."

Talley explained that Bureaucrash was also opposed to the WTO and the IMF, but because they restrained free trade and were socialistic.

A reporter asked Talley how believed capitalism could work. "Econ 101," he retorted.

Some thought the "Enjoy Capitalism" t-shirts were ironic and wanted to own one to mock capitalism. The Crashers were also selling Che Guevara t-shirts -- at prices lower than other vendors. Talley said the shirts were made in Honduras and they may have utilized "sweat shop" labor. "We can go as low as $5 a piece."

Another tactic was to invite passersby to take a quiz on Globalization quiz, which asked questions like:

Recent estimates say that if all laws protecting impoverished nations from trade with global corporations were lifted, citizens of the world’s poorest countries would:
(1) Lose between $166 and $333 billion dollars.
(2) Be no better or worse off.
(3) Gain between $166 and $333 billion dollars.

Potential quiz-takers were told that they would win a beverage or a snack if they took the quiz.
One young man snorted, "yeah, but that means it still costs something -- that's capitalism."